Problems

My life is at an extreme low point it seems.
It seems that I'm just struggling with finances, relationships, the future and other things.

Everyone goes through things.
I hate to complain because there's so many people with worse problems with mine.
But my problems still affect me.

I want to learn to be content. I want wisdom to deal with things. I want to change my thinking.

happy birthday?

Well another year of my life has come. I'm not sure what to think of getting older. I know its good but its also not so great at the same time.

My birthday wasn't the best this year. Nothing special happened and what did happened wasn't planned or what I wanted, but it seems like nothing in life is going according to plan or really what I want.

But its going,

And I'm ok

day 6 & 7, driving (late, I know)

I left Mississippi ready to get back home. I really don't miss it anymore. There's nothing there for me to go back to. I have such a great life here and so many things going on.
Driving was one of the worst ordeals of my life. We started the 4th at 6:30 am and drove till i couldn't drive anymore, which was about 8:30 that night. We only stopped for gas and bathroom breaks. That night we stayed in an over priced best western about 2 hours before Amarillo, TX.
The next day we started at about the same time. We didn't get in Bullhead till about 9ish that night and it was a grueling ordeal to make it. I was so physically and mentally tired at that point, it was unbelievable.
The jeep did very well. It had really good gas mileage and didn't have any malfunctions or anything.
I've been home for almost a week and I'm really glad to be back. I'm really glad to have a vehicle again after so long.

After 27 years of life, I feel like I'm starting to get to where I've wanted to be in life for a long time. I have a vehicle, a steady job that I've stuck with, a worship ministry that i'm working on, a wonderful girl who wants to marry me, and I'm looking into getting an apartment soon. There's still alot of uncertainty but I know I'm in a good place.

Music:

Before the venture back I bought 2 cd's because I knew my fm transmitter for my ipod wouldn't last. I purchased Stick To Your Guns, Comes From The Heart cd, and also the new A Day To Remember, Homesick.
I had originally wrote off STYG but their new cd is very good. Very heavy but a little too much melody in places kinda throws off the balance. It was very much hardcore, in the vein of Terror (guest vocals from Scott Vogel helped I'm sure), but the singing parts made it sound like a metalcore/screamo cd. Good cd, but won't be in my constant rotation.
If you liked ADTR before, this new cd will make you loved them. Its very much the same formula, pop-punk/hardcore/heavy breakdowns, but their are alot more poppy singing parts and less heavy parts, but the heavy parts are much heavier. Choruses are very catchy and memorable and the breakdowns sound much like Recon. This cd helped make my trip back a little more pleasant.
When I got back I also purchased David Crowder's live Remedy cd/dvd. I love David Crowder's stuff. His passion and originality are things that I really love and I look up to him, being a worship leader myself. This cd has been in pretty constant rotation for the last week. I'd really love to be able to do alot of the stuff he does with electric guitar and synths in my church.


Anyways I hope you maybe check out David Crowder's new cd, and the A Day To Remember also. Stick To Your Guns, not so much

day 5

So today wasn't really an eventful day. All I did was shop a bit.

I am getting more and more nervous about drving back tomorrow. Its going to be an 1800 mile drive and I hope to do it in 2 days.
We're going to leave in the morning as early as possible and we'll hopefully make it to Amarillo or at least close.
Please keep us in your prayers as we make our way back

more updates to follow.......

Day 4 (a little late)

Yesterday was a day to take care of alot of things. I had the title of the jeep signed over to me, and i closed out my bank account that i opened before i moved to arizona. It only had a grand total of $6 in it. It isn't much but at least it bought a couple of drinks at Starbucks.
I also got to reconnect with a friend that i wasn't on good terms with the last time i talked to him. He owns a video game place so Hannah and I went and hung out with him there for about an hour today. It was really good to talk to him and reminisce.

day 3

Well today was a bit rough.
I have come to realize that my mother isn't the same. She's changed a lot since I've been gone and I am pretty sure that's not a good thing. We've ended up butting heads but I didn't lose my cool.
My old church has grown and all the people I grew up with have grown up, got married, and are having kids. Its a little surreal. Its hard to think of us as all grown up. I remember going on easter egg hunts on easter with some of them when I was 3 or 4, I went to youth group and school with them. To see them as adults is a little odd.
The worship team at my old church is insane. Its almost like watching hillsong united. They are so professional, organized, and talented. I don't want to become envious but its a little hard. I wish I could have worship like that with my team but it can happen with time. I do remember when they didn't even have a worship team.

Anyways, I am sort of missing this place; not enough to leave arizona, that is my home. I am ready to come home though.
The thought of driving back is wearing on my mind but I'm trusting that it will be ok. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this. Its exciting and nerve racking all at the same time.

In the meantime, I'm reading Blue Like Jazz and enjoying it very much.

day 2.1 (i'm not that impressive)

I caught myself this morning feeling like I have to impress my old friends and I don't like that. I want to be real.
If I'm not that impressive than so what?

The saying is true,

"Better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not"

In other news I have a 1996 jeep cheeroke now. I just spend the morning with my mother cleaning it. Hopefully it will make it back to Arizona.

day 1

Well today is the first day of my adventure.
I'm back in my home town of Gulfport, MS and I must say, its a little surreal being here.
Its the same town I spent 19 years of my life and it feels so different. Everything is faintly familiar, like waking up from a dream and trying to remember what happened.

Its a little scary being here and its a little scary realizing I will be driving 1800 miles in a few days.

I pray everything goes good on this trip, and I hope I still get along with the people I used to know.

no place like home

I'm going on a trip back to Mississippi at the end of the month and I gotta say, I'm a little anxious.
I haven't been back since before katrina and I'm sure the town I left is very different.
But I'm also wondering what its going to be like seeing old friends. A lot of them I haven't seen or spoken to in 8 years. I've changed so much and I'm sure they've changed just as much. I wonder if I'll even recognize some of them. I wonder if they'll recognize me.
I'm a much different person that the one I was then and that in many ways a good thing.

another year

As I got older it just seems like the days, weeks, months, and years get shorter and shorter.
Every year I find it a little funny how people make resolutions that they never keep and say that this year will be better than the last.
Maybe I'm just a little jaded but it feels like every year is the same.
The Bible says there's nothing new under the sun.
We put our trust in a new year for our lives to change or we put our trust in a politician to bring change but in the end we are dissapointed because everything ends up the same.
I don't want to say life is mundane but I can be sometimes if we are looking for a lot of exciting events to happen. Life is lived in the everyday, not with a lot of high points and will be exciting if you look for all the little things.
I'm hoping with this new year I become closer and more in love with Jesus. Real change only comes through him though, not through a new year or change in the political world. Look more for His mericies which are new every morning.